Alas, much to my chagrin, I’ve been required to make a second blog since I must live up to my new job description as a “Blogger,” even though I had hoped to maintain only a light-blog characteristic and achieve the title of “Somewhat Bloggish.” This does not mean I plan to write a third blog entry, but it’s likely that Bloog will “apply the screws” and perhaps only kidnap one of my less-than-favorite progeny to force my literary hand.
So it’s been an interesting few weeks just reading the news like it was the end of the world every day, and the existential dread of politics muddles my already age-addled brain, and I can’t help thinking that this is an exciting time in history to emulate our tech-bro leaders and start taking Ketamine on a regular basis. I mean, what’s good for the rich, is good for the richless, right? But since my pay-grade as Bloog Blogger is somewhat low, I might have to settle for snorting colored chalk dust or maybe crushed children’s vitamins to emulate a suitable mental haute-ness that our leadership wobblingly demonstrates. But damn, even when he’s playing video games and badly managing multiple companies, the master oligarch can still write a great sales script for his lapdog to follow and hock his low-quality, dangerous, and increasingly depreciating wares to a population that can’t afford the purchase of eggs or other basic provisions before the dinner-bell of the end times.
But lest I tread into the dreaded evil territory of wokeness and the destructive tendency towards empathy, I just want to say clearly, fuck you Elon Musk. I hope some day your fortunes reverse and you have to sign up for food stamps, only to be told that the program was cut for illegal immigrants like yourself, and then ICE deports you to a country that has revoked your citizenship. I’m sure even you would approve of my complete lack of caring.
And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.
I have to wonder how bloggers maintain their sanity in an increasingly upside-down world where entertainers trump substance, but then it’s because of the insanity that further nonsense can be written and published to an increasingly content-hungry population, who, with empty smartphones extended, ask in Oliver Twistian tones, “Can I please have some more?”
No, you little content-grubbing scallywags, I shall not give you any more! I’m tired and my fingers are aching from all the emails I’ve written to my therapist to plead for more sessions since he left me with my emotions like a pile of laundry on my bedroom floor (similes make me smile). Bloggers have needs too, and we can’t just produce paragraphs willy-nilly at the drop of a hat, lest we allow AI to take our precious jobs and leave us to the existential wilds of bureaucratic systems that make us work for food to continue our poverty-level lifestyles.
I’m so fortunate to live in the land of free where our beloved free-speech absolutists completely protect my rights to celebrate white religiosity while ensuring that all right-wing extremist viewpoints are given equal time and value with real news while distorting the facts and changing the entire narrative of western civilization. Soon, I shall become an investor and seek government handouts to fund my burning need for monogrammed toilet tissue, and sow my seeds broadly so my many children can forget my face, but be haunted by my words, “Grow up, it’s not about you. It’s about me. Remember that.”
Hence, this concludes my second blog. Stay tuned for blog #3. Or don’t. I’m sure you’ll see it when you least expect it just as I will.
-Bogus
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