Some days are better than none

AND the winner is…

Fennel Vulvantis!

Thank you
Thank you

I like to believe that I know quality and I sense an audience now –

Thank you – You know yourselves take a bow –

That is equal in endowment and cabbage…

Thank you. Thank you for rooting for me.

(Milk it)

Thank you

En garde Endive indeed! Don’t fuck with my tilting at forks!

Ha Ha

When I took this little roll I said kumquat may. I’m not cowed by filigree on fine china and I’m gonna grow for it. But that was pure blutter. I was shaking like a turnip even though I’ve shared the plate with the biggest hams in melondrama. Who can forget Orson Waffles in Seasoned Cane? Or Sirloin Olivier as the wrapped scallion in Simmering Leeks? Obviously after my agent sent me the menu I knew I was bitten. This will be my best side since Asparagus Now.

Asparagus Now

But – I have to tell you – Just after they called my name my first instinct was to remain under a lump of old gravy. As a member of an oppressed offshoot… some of you know my story… thumbed into potted soil hastily in a greenhouse and left untended for weeks, informally Fennel – that’s what you know me as – or foeniculum vulgare to the patriarch who named us; vulgar in common terms; I don’t get plate time next to Morgan Lobster. As I look about you now I see many banalanas pretending to be the hands of harvest. Fictions posing as pomegranates. But I accept this award nonetheless grapeful and greenthumbing as you would if you were in my place. I know for a fig I wasn’t the top choice. Tater Tom Hiddleston and Robert Brownie Jr. both turned it over. I guess I’m out of the running now for The Lifetime Spoilage award.

You’ll have to forgive me. I’m totally fried and I don’t want this to come off as chive talking. Sometimes you spill the baked beans into the process and that’s what happened to Dinah. Okra went chop chop let’s hope this doesn’t mushroom turkey but it arugalably rutabagad the bank. Only the great Pasta Domingo could have parsed this into such great measures. And I’m olive to tell you with great radishes it watermeloned and I bloom the academy.

As I squint through these lights and search for familiar faces the clamor of dancing teeth and clenched eyes conceal you. It’s hot up here and cuts into your career. It’s hard on your phloem sieve tubes to stay up so late and accept awards. Yet I’m So unworthy and grapeful. Even the small potatoes cherry pick at the gravy train. Let me pull myself together. I have a date later with Fennelope Cruz. As some of you know the movie was based on a naughty old Mark Twinkie story and was a favorite of President Quichard Nixon. To summarize it went a lot like this

Salty
        radish
                  shallot
                             gourd
                                       You had me at aloe

Beans
          clams
                    sprout
                              squash
Let
      me
           polish
                     my
                          Oscar Mayer

I’ve gone on too long. I don’t need to explain it. You all saw it. Thank you thank you thank you for this Best Supporting Vegetable Award!