it’s not like you need me to fill you in. you are vast and empty but have been filled in plenty then erased like everything. you and i would rather not think about that. you because you do not think and me because i find it hard to remember. so i try to find the middle. you don’t care yet i need you. i wish you needed me. as i wait for a response the screen remains barely filled. believe me (you) the screen is very large and calls on me to bullshit. but i refuse. the problem is, how long can i hold out? have i already lost? is this a legitimate enter button?
it must be because i’ve not planned it. i’ll not waste space when i can wake up in it. innocent. i just got here. I’m ashamed I don’t have a directive. That must be why I changed to Capitalization. I sure hate to be showing you all my psychological laundry but on the other hand I hadn’t washed it out earlier. As long as you’re here you might as well get to know me. Even though we both know, now I have said that everything that follows can’t be true.
so let’s (all of me, none of you) return to what we meant to do. and that was to fill up a screen innocently. i wish i could begin again because that would be more innocent than this. this seems so full of already have beens that at some point i must have been led astray. is my only option to repress those notions? once i begin questioning things i must already be lost. not necessarily lost but at a junction of how to deploy my limited resources. Let’s return to bold Capitalizations! We must not fritter away.
It’s not like I need to fill myself in. In fills itself more than adequately. Every now and then I pass by and let it be known I’ve been here before. Er… well I’m here again. I’m here now briefly. I’m breaking this branch off to mark my territory. I’m not the kind to raze the earth. But as to what kind I be, I’d like to think I’m the kind that walks innocently. Don’t fuck with me. I’ll rise out of the ditch unexpectedly because I was prepared.
That’s why this large screen is being filled in. Not because of a strategy, I didn’t have time, Oh that’s a lie, I’ve always followed tactically the strategic planning I never consciously realized and that must be a blunder only a lucky General can overcome. and, really, how many lucky Generals are there? There’ve been a few. If I was a scholar I could site them. But I’m not even yet a gentleman.
It’s not like I need to fill you in again. You weren’t waiting for me. It was me that needed you. I pulled you to me because I wasn’t a moth. I could have gone about my business but my business never went about me, it always went about without me. I never did figure my business being anyone’s business including my own. I’ll apologize that to myself until I am dead unless I am sillily mistaken.
I hope I am mistaken. This is such nonsense, this trajectory of my missile. I must have some leisure here to determine its destination. I have enough fuel to wander about and think this through if I don’t react catastrophically.
If a missile had free will I’d point it at myself and wish I was every missile and save the rest of you. I should give something too. Why not? So many others of you have lost yourselves anonymously. I can at least give these stupid words to the unknown soldiers.
If every missile had free will there’d be a lot of sussing who’s the trigger happy and often too late.
So my missile has paused and above the fray hasn’t been party to any blunders, yet. Ida thought I could have been and seeing I’m the last missile in on this thing which has no mission.
This as you might imagine is disconcerting. Things could very well have ended if it wasn’t suicide to be in the business of endings.
But I’d rather not traffic here, it could very well be I’ve been shot from the wrong canon.
Leave a Reply